Foolish and Funny

Somebody said you sounded like an owl.

Who?

Foolish Friday Funny

Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

Foolish Friday Funny

Dwarves make the best electricians....because mini hands make light work.

Foolish Friday Funny

How do you get a one-armed drunk out of a tree?

Wave.

Foolish Friday Funny

My racing snail was not winning races any more, so I decided to remove his shell to make him more aerodynamic.

It didn't work. If anything it made him more sluggish.

Foolish Friday Funny

The police arrested two kids yesterday; one was drinking battery acid, and the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one and let the other one off.

Foolish Friday Funny

Why was the broom late for school?

Because he overswept!

Foolish Friday Funny

What did the bra say to the hat?

You go on ahead and I'll give these two a lift.

Foolish Friday Funny

What do you call a camel with no humps?

Humphrey

Foolish Friday Funny

What do you call a beetle's pet rabbit?

A bug's bunny.

Foolish Friday Funny

Yesterday I accidentally swallowed some food colouring.
The doctor says I'm OK, but I feel like I've dyed a little inside.

Foolish Friday Funny

“I was walking past my fridge the other day when I thought I heard an onion singing a Bee Gee’s song. But when I opened the door it was just some chive talking.”

Foolish Friday Funny

Q: What is the fastest cake in the world?

A: Scone

Foolish Friday Funny

How does the man in the moon cut his hair?

Eclipse it

Foolish Friday Funny

Why couldn't Dracula's wife get to sleep?

Because of his coffin.

Foolish Friday Funny

What do you get if you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter?

PUMPKIN PI

Foolish Friday Funny

What kind of music do chiropractors listen to?

HIP-POP!

Foolish Friday Funny

Why does a Moon-rock taste better than an Earth-rock?

Because it's a little meteor

Foolish Friday Funny

What did the big bucket say to the little bucket?

You look a little pail!

Foolish Friday Funny

What do you do with epileptic lettuce?

You make a seizure salad!

Foolish Friday Funny

What side of the cat has the most fur?

The OUT-side.

Foolish Friday Funny

What washes up on tiny beaches?

Microwaves.

Foolish Friday Funny

Why wouldn't the shrimp share his treasure?

Because he was a little shellfish.

Foolish Friday Funny

Why didn't the melons get married?

Because they cantaloupe!

Foolish Friday Funny

What did 0 say to 8?

Nice belt!

Foolish Friday Funny

What do you call a man with no arms or legs who gets into a fight with his cat?


Claude

Foolish Friday Funny

What has more lives than a cat?

A frog because it croaks every night.

Foolish Friday Funny

Q: Why can't a bicycle stand up by itself?

A: Because it is too tired.

Foolish Friday Funny

I went to a casino last night and was standing next to a guy playing Blackjack who kept having win after win after win.
I couldn't believe his luck, then saw he was stood on what looked like a bit of bread.

I asked him, "Mate, what's that under your shoe?"

He said. "Shhh! I'm on a roll."

Foolish Friday Funny

A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died.
After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.
She says, 'What's the story?'
He replies, 'Just crap in the carburettor'
She asks, 'How often do I have to do that?'