Foolish Friday Funny

Q: What did the ocean say to the shore?
A: Nothing, it just waved

Foolish Friday Funny

A hungry lion was roaming through the jungle looking for something to eat. He came across two men. One was sitting under a tree and reading a book

the other was typing away on his typewriter.

The lion quickly pounced on the man reading the book and devoured him.

Even the king of the jungle knows that readers digest and writers cramp.

Foolish Friday Funny

What do you call a French man in sandals?

Philippe Philoppe

Foolish Friday Funny

f(x) walks into a bar.
The barman says: "Sorry we don't cater for functions".

Foolish Friday Funny

Yesterday evening, I had to change a lightbulb.
A bit later on, I crossed the road and walked into a bar with an Englishman, Irishman and a Scotsman.
It was then that I realised my life was a big joke.

Foolish Friday Funny

How many children with Attention Deficit Disorder does it take to change a light bulb?

Let's go ride our bikes!

Foolish Friday Funny

What happens when Frogs park illegally?

They get Toad.

Foolish Friday Funny

A guy walks into a pub and says, "c a n I h a v e a p i n t p l e a s e ?"

The barman says, "are you okay? You sound a bit spaced out."

Foolish Friday Funny

What do you call a line of large rabbits walking backwards?

A receding hare line

Foolish Friday Funny

A Bear walks into a bar and puts his paws on the counter.

Tells the barman : I'd like a .......................................
......................................................................
......................................................................
......................................................................
.......................................
......................................................................
......................................................................

........................Johnny Walker on the rocks.





The Barman replies: Why the big pause?

Foolish Friday Funny

What is the difference between a nicely dressed man on a tricycle and a poorly dressed man on a bicycle?

A tyre.

Foolish Friday Funny

My friend is a rollercoaster operator - he lost his job this morning.
He's suing for funfair dismissal.

Foolish Friday Funny

Two Mexicans are lost in the desert. They see a tree in the distance. As they get nearer they see it’s draped with rasher upon rasher of juicy bacon.
"Hey Pepe", says the first man. "Ees a bacon tree, we're saved!"
Then he runs to the tree but is gunned down in a hail of bullets.

"What happened?" shouts Pepe. With his last breath, his friend shouts "Run amigo, ees not a bacon tree.
Ees a ham bush."

Foolish Friday Funny

I was walking in a cemetery this morning and I spotted a bloke hiding behind a gravestone. I said, "Morning."

He replied, "No, just having a poo."

Foolish Friday Funny

How many Alzheimer's patients does it take to change a lightbulb?


To get to the other side.

Foolish Friday Funny

What did the aspiring Yogi say to the hot dog vendor?

Make me one with everything.

Foolish Friday Funny

A woman went to France on a wine-tasting vacation.
Unfortunately, while in the capital city, she drank too much, fell from her hotel window and ended up in a body cast.
When she got home, she swore never to get plastered in Paris again.

Foolish Friday Funny

Two Fish are sitting in a tank, the one turns to the other and says,
"Any idea how to drive this thing?"

Foolish Friday Funny

Last night there was a big fight in our local fish and chip shop - a lot of fish got battered.

Foolish Friday Funny

A man took his dog to the cinema to see War and Peace.
The dog sat beside him and the audience was amazed to see the dog and his reactions to the film.
When the heroine was facing dire straits the dog would howl and when things were going well he'd bark and wag his tail.

After the film ended a woman came up to the dog's owner and said: "Wow, your dog's reactions were amazing!"
The man replied: 'I know, I'm really surprised. He hated the book."

Foolish Friday Funny

I said to my Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?"
He asked "How flexible are you?"
I replied, "I can't come on Tuesdays or Thursdays".

Foolish Friday Funny

Two snowmen are standing in a field.

One says to the other : "Funny, I smell carrots too".

Foolish Friday Funny

Q: What is black & white and eats like a horse?

A: A Zebra

Foolish Friday Funny

An elephant and a crocodile were swimming in the Amazon, when the elephant spots a turtle sunning himself on a rock.

The elephant walks over to the turtle, picks him up in his trunk and hurls him far into the jungle.

"What did you do that for?" asks the crocodile. The elephant answers, "That turtle was the one that bit me almost fifty years ago."

The crocodile says, "And you remembered him after all these years? Boy, you sure do have a good memory."

"Yep," says the elephant. "Turtle recall."

Foolish Friday Funny

There was this snail who wanted to be a Formula One racing driver. He went along to the track and asked if he could drive. The racing team manager said, 'Yes, but you can't have a number on your car, you can only have an 'S' because you are a snail.'

The Snail was OK about this is so he entered the race. The race started and the snail's car was at the back...but suddenly he sped to the front, over-taking all the cars and won!!

As the spectators saw the Snail speed past them, they yelled 'WOW! LOOK AT THAT S-CAR GO!!'

Foolish Friday Funny

A toothless termite walked into a tavern and said, "Is the bar tender here?"

Foolish Friday Funny

A neutron walks into a bar, sits down and orders a beer.
The bartender brings the beer and the neutron asks..."how much"...the bartender replies "for you, no charge".

Foolish Friday Funny

What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No idea

What do you call a deer with no legs and no eyes?
Still no idea

Foolish Friday Funny

Why did the Lobster blush?

Because the seaweed.

Foolish Friday Funny

First cow says to the other, "So are you worried about this Mad Cow Disease going around?"

Second cow goes, "Why should I be? I'm a squirrel."