Foolish Friday Funny

What washes up on tiny beaches?

Microwaves.

Foolish Friday Funny

Why wouldn't the shrimp share his treasure?

Because he was a little shellfish.

Foolish Friday Funny

Why didn't the melons get married?

Because they cantaloupe!

Foolish Friday Funny

What did 0 say to 8?

Nice belt!

Foolish Friday Funny

What do you call a man with no arms or legs who gets into a fight with his cat?


Claude

Foolish Friday Funny

What has more lives than a cat?

A frog because it croaks every night.

Foolish Friday Funny

Q: Why can't a bicycle stand up by itself?

A: Because it is too tired.

Foolish Friday Funny

I went to a casino last night and was standing next to a guy playing Blackjack who kept having win after win after win.
I couldn't believe his luck, then saw he was stood on what looked like a bit of bread.

I asked him, "Mate, what's that under your shoe?"

He said. "Shhh! I'm on a roll."

Foolish Friday Funny

A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died.
After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.
She says, 'What's the story?'
He replies, 'Just crap in the carburettor'
She asks, 'How often do I have to do that?'

Foolish Friday Funny

Two bacteria walk into a bar.
The barman says "Sorry we don't serve bacteria".
Bacteria say, "But we work here, we're staph."

Foolish Friday Funny

What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?

A nervous wreck.

Foolish Friday Funny

Why did the cannibal live on his own?

He was fed up with other people.

Foolish Friday Funny

When do cannibals leave the table?

When everyone's eaten.


(I know....it’s bad, very bad.)

Foolish Friday Funny

Did you hear about the raisin who cheated on his wife?

It was in the newspaper, in the current affairs section.

Foolish Friday Funny

Man: Doctor, Doctor, I keep dreaming about my eyes changing colour!

Doctor: Don't worry - It's just a pigment of your imagination.

Foolish Friday Funny

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but couldn't find one big enough for her family.

She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"

The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."

Foolish Friday Funny

Why did the chewing gum cross the road?

Because it was stuck to the chicken’s foot.

Foolish Friday Funny

What do you call a cow that doesn't give milk?

An udder failure

Foolish Friday Funny

What's the difference between a woman running down the street and a sewing machine?

A sewing machine only has one bobbin.

Foolish Friday Funny

What did the grape say when it got stepped on?

Nothing - but it let out a little whine.

Foolish Friday Funny

What happened to the cannibal who came to dinner late?

He got the cold shoulder.

Foolish Friday Funny

What did the hen say when she saw a plate of scrambled eggs?

What a bunch of mixed up kids!

Foolish Friday Funny

What do you call a cow with only 2 legs?

Lean beef.

Foolish Friday Funny

What do you call a woman lying in the middle of a tennis court?

Annette.

Foolish Friday Funny

A nurse at my hospital received a call from an anxious woman.
"I'm diabetic and I'm afraid I've had too much sugar today," she said.
"Are you light-headed? " my colleague asked.
"No," the caller answered, "I'm a brunette".

Foolish Friday Funny

Why did the Indian chief wear so many feathers?

To keep his wigwam.

Foolish Friday Funny

Q: What do you call a bullet proof Irishman?

A: Rick O’Shea

Foolish Friday Funny

"May I take your order?" the waiter asks.

"Yes, how do you prepare your chickens?"

"Nothing special, sir," he replies. "We just tell them straight out that they're going to die."

Foolish Friday Funny

A golf club walks into a local bar and asks the barman for a pint of beer.

The barman refuses to serve him. "Why not," asks the golf club.

"You'll be driving later," replies the bartender.

Foolish Friday Funny

A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says, "My dog's cross-eyed, is there any thing you can do?"

"Let's have a look at him." says the vet. So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes.
Finally, he says "I'm going to have to put him down."

"Just because he's cross-eyed?" asks the man.
"No, because he's really heavy," says the vet.