Foolish Friday Funny

Did you hear about the terrorist that tried to blow up a picnic?

His efforts were hampered.

Foolish Friday Funny

Ok, so it’s current....


I gotta say, I'm finding all this talk about Swine Flu pretty boaring.

*************************

I just called the National Swine Flu helpline...
All I got was crackling.

Foolish Friday Funny

Q. What do you call a man with no shin?

A. Tony

Foolish Friday Funny

Q: Why did the apple go out with a fig?

A: Because it couldn't find a date.

Foolish Friday Funny

I went for a job interview as a blacksmith yesterday. He said, "Have you ever shoed a horse?"

I said, "No, but I've told a donkey to piss off."

Foolish Friday Funny

What did the bedspread say to the sheet?
I've got you covered.

Foolish Friday Funny

I phoned the local builder today, I said to him 'Can I have a skip outside my house?'
He said, 'I'm not stopping you!'

Foolish Friday Funny

A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting!
Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, 'PULL OVER!'
'NO!' the blonde yelled back, 'IT'S A SCARF!'

Foolish Friday Funny

What do you call cheese that does not belong to you?

Nacho Cheese.

Foolish Friday Funny

"What do you do if you see a space man?

"Park your car, man."

Foolish Friday Funny

Q: What do you call a tellytubby who has been burgled?

A: A tubby.

Foolish Friday Funny

Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarves are not happy.

Foolish Friday Funny

How many hired hands does it take to change a light bulb?


Many.....because we all know that 'many hands make light work.'

Foolish Friday Funny

Why don't mummies take vacations?
They're afraid they'll relax and unwind.

Foolish Friday Funny

Q: What did the ocean say to the shore?
A: Nothing, it just waved

Foolish Friday Funny

A hungry lion was roaming through the jungle looking for something to eat. He came across two men. One was sitting under a tree and reading a book

the other was typing away on his typewriter.

The lion quickly pounced on the man reading the book and devoured him.

Even the king of the jungle knows that readers digest and writers cramp.

Foolish Friday Funny

What do you call a French man in sandals?

Philippe Philoppe

Foolish Friday Funny

f(x) walks into a bar.
The barman says: "Sorry we don't cater for functions".

Foolish Friday Funny

Yesterday evening, I had to change a lightbulb.
A bit later on, I crossed the road and walked into a bar with an Englishman, Irishman and a Scotsman.
It was then that I realised my life was a big joke.

Foolish Friday Funny

How many children with Attention Deficit Disorder does it take to change a light bulb?

Let's go ride our bikes!

Foolish Friday Funny

What happens when Frogs park illegally?

They get Toad.

Foolish Friday Funny

A guy walks into a pub and says, "c a n I h a v e a p i n t p l e a s e ?"

The barman says, "are you okay? You sound a bit spaced out."

Foolish Friday Funny

What do you call a line of large rabbits walking backwards?

A receding hare line

Foolish Friday Funny

A Bear walks into a bar and puts his paws on the counter.

Tells the barman : I'd like a .......................................
......................................................................
......................................................................
......................................................................
.......................................
......................................................................
......................................................................

........................Johnny Walker on the rocks.





The Barman replies: Why the big pause?

Foolish Friday Funny

What is the difference between a nicely dressed man on a tricycle and a poorly dressed man on a bicycle?

A tyre.

Foolish Friday Funny

My friend is a rollercoaster operator - he lost his job this morning.
He's suing for funfair dismissal.

Foolish Friday Funny

Two Mexicans are lost in the desert. They see a tree in the distance. As they get nearer they see it’s draped with rasher upon rasher of juicy bacon.
"Hey Pepe", says the first man. "Ees a bacon tree, we're saved!"
Then he runs to the tree but is gunned down in a hail of bullets.

"What happened?" shouts Pepe. With his last breath, his friend shouts "Run amigo, ees not a bacon tree.
Ees a ham bush."

Foolish Friday Funny

I was walking in a cemetery this morning and I spotted a bloke hiding behind a gravestone. I said, "Morning."

He replied, "No, just having a poo."

Foolish Friday Funny

How many Alzheimer's patients does it take to change a lightbulb?


To get to the other side.

Foolish Friday Funny

What did the aspiring Yogi say to the hot dog vendor?

Make me one with everything.