Friday, 16 November 2007

Foolish Friday Funny

Two vultures board an aeroplane, each carrying two dead squirrels.
The stewardess looks at them and says, "I'm sorry, gentlemen, only one carrion allowed per passenger."

Friday, 26 October 2007

Foolish Friday Funny

A man walks into a pub with a salmon under his arm.
He asks the barman, "Do you do fishcakes?
"The barman shakes his head.
"Shame", says the man, "It's his birthday".

Friday, 05 October 2007

Foolish Friday Funny

PATIENT: Doctor, I think I'm shrinking.

DOCTOR: Calm down. Be a little patient.

(It's baaad I know....but that's what the FFF is all about!)

Friday, 21 September 2007

Foolish Friday Funny

"Won't you kiss me, doctor," asks a beautiful woman.
"No, it would be against my code of ethics," says the doctor.
"Please just one kiss," begs the woman.
"It's completely out of the question," he goes on.
"I shouldn't even really be having sex with you."

Friday, 14 September 2007

Foolish Friday Funny

So I told my girlfriend I had a job in a bowling alley.
She said "Tenpin?"
I said, "No, it's a permanent job."

Friday, 31 August 2007

Foolish Friday Funny

Q: What do you call a woman with a pint of beer on her head?

A: Beatrix

Q: What do you call a woman with a pint of beer on her head playing snooker?

A: Beatrix Potter.

Foolish Friday Funny

Q: What do you call a woman with a pint of beer on her head?
A: Beatrix

Q: What do you call a woman with a pint of beer on her head playing snooker?
A: Beatrix Potter.

Friday, 24 August 2007

Foolish Friday Funny

Patient: "Doctor, doctor, I've got problems with my hearing.
Doctor: "What are the symptoms?"
Patient: "They're those yellow people on TV."

Friday, 03 August 2007

Foolish Friday Funny

A young man had been working as a bag boy in a supermarket for several years.
One day the supermarket got new orange juice machines.
The bag boy was excited and asked the manager if he could work the juice machines.
The manager turned him down.
The bag boy said, "But I've been working here for five years. Why can't I run the juice machines?"
The manager said, "I'm sorry, but baggers can't be juicers."

Friday, 27 July 2007

Foolish Friday Funny

Two cough sweets walk into a pub, one asks for a gin and tonic and the other for a cider.
The barman refuses to serve the red cough sweet her gin and tonic, but the green and white cough sweet is served very quickly.

"I thought we didn't serve cough sweets any more," remarked a watching bar maid.
"We don't as a rule," replied the publican, "but she looked f*cking menthol."

Friday, 20 July 2007

Foolish Friday Funny

Two men in an airport bump into each other.
The first man says 'I can't find my wife'
The second replies 'I can't find mine either, what does yours look like?'
"Well", the first man replies, she's 5ft10, blonde, big boobs, wearing a mini skirt and high heels.
What does yours look like?'
"F*ck her", says the second man, "Let's look for yours".

Thursday, 12 July 2007

Foolish Friday Funny

An amnesiac walked into a bar.
He said, "Do I come here often?"

Friday, 06 July 2007

Classic Cod

Far away in the tropical waters of the Caribbean, two prawns were swimming around in the sea, one called Justin and the other called Christian. The prawns were constantly being harassed and threatened by sharks that inhabited the area.

Finally one day Justin said to Christian, "I'm fed up with being a prawn; I wish I was a shark, and then I wouldn't have any worries about being eaten."

A large mysterious cod appeared and said, "Your wish is granted." Lo and behold, Justin turned into a shark. Horrified, Christian immediately swam away, afraid of being eaten by his old mate. Time passed (as it invariably does) and Justin found life as a shark boring and lonely. All his old mates simply swam away whenever he came close to them. Justin didn't realize that his new menacing appearance was the cause of his sad plight.

While swimming alone one day he saw the mysterious cod again and he thought perhaps the mysterious fish could change him back into a prawn. He approached the cod and begged to be changed back, and, lo and behold, he found himself turned back into a prawn.

With tears of joy in his tiny little eyes Justin swam back to his friends and bought them all a cocktail (the punch line does not involve a prawn cocktail - it's much worse). Looking around the gathering at the reef he realized he couldn't see his old pal.

"Where's Christian?" he asked."He's at home, still distraught that his best friend changed sides to the enemy & became a shark," came the reply.Eager to put things right again and end the mutual pain and torture, He set off to Christian's abode. As he opened the coral gate, memories came flooding back. He banged on the door and shouted: "It's me, Justin, your old friend, come out and see me again."

Christian replied, "No way man, you'll eat me. You're now a shark, the enemy, and I'll not be tricked into being your dinner."

Justin cried back "No, I'm not. That was the old me. I've changed...............

"I've found Cod. I'm a Prawn again Christian."

Foolish Friday Funny

My mate is in love with two schoolbags.
He's bisatchel.

Friday, 29 June 2007

Foolish Friday Funny

So I went in to a pet shop. I said, "Can I buy a goldfish?" The guy said,
"Do you want an aquarium?" I said, "I don't care what star sign it is."

Friday, 22 June 2007

Foolish Friday Funny

Mahatma Gandhi walked barefoot most of the time which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath.

This made him.... A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

Friday, 15 June 2007

Foolish Friday Funny (double dose)

I met this bloke with a didgeridoo and he was playing Dancing Queen on it.
I thought that's Aboriginal.

********************************************************************

A penguin walks into a bar, and says to the barman,
"My brother was in here earlier, have you seen him?"
The barman replies, "I don't know, what does he look like?"

Friday, 08 June 2007

Foolish Friday Funny

Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft.
Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

Friday, 25 May 2007

Foolish Friday Funny

"Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'"
"That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome."
"Is it common?"
Well, "It's Not Unusual."

Friday, 18 May 2007

FOOLISH FRIDAY FUNNY 18 May

A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories.
After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse.
"But why?" they asked, as they moved off.
"Because", he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."

FOOLISH FRIDAY FUNNY 11 May

There was a guy who sent twenty different puns to his friends, with the hope that at least ten of the puns would make them laugh….No pun in ten did.

THE FOOLISH FRIDAY FUNNY 4 May

Two cows are standing next to each other in a field.
Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning."
"I don't believe you," says Dolly.
"It's true, no bull!" exclaims Daisy.