Man: Doctor, Doctor, I keep dreaming about my eyes changing colour!
Doctor: Don't worry - It's just a pigment of your imagination.
Monday 26 October 2009
Friday 16 October 2009
Foolish Friday Funny
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but couldn't find one big enough for her family.
She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"
The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."
She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"
The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."
Friday 09 October 2009
Foolish Friday Funny
Why did the chewing gum cross the road?
Because it was stuck to the chicken’s foot.
Because it was stuck to the chicken’s foot.
Friday 25 September 2009
Friday 18 September 2009
Foolish Friday Funny
What's the difference between a woman running down the street and a sewing machine?
A sewing machine only has one bobbin.
A sewing machine only has one bobbin.
Friday 11 September 2009
Foolish Friday Funny
What did the grape say when it got stepped on?
Nothing - but it let out a little whine.
Nothing - but it let out a little whine.
Friday 04 September 2009
Foolish Friday Funny
What happened to the cannibal who came to dinner late?
He got the cold shoulder.
He got the cold shoulder.
Friday 28 August 2009
Foolish Friday Funny
What did the hen say when she saw a plate of scrambled eggs?
What a bunch of mixed up kids!
What a bunch of mixed up kids!
Friday 21 August 2009
Friday 14 August 2009
Friday 07 August 2009
Foolish Friday Funny
A nurse at my hospital received a call from an anxious woman.
"I'm diabetic and I'm afraid I've had too much sugar today," she said.
"Are you light-headed? " my colleague asked.
"No," the caller answered, "I'm a brunette".
"I'm diabetic and I'm afraid I've had too much sugar today," she said.
"Are you light-headed? " my colleague asked.
"No," the caller answered, "I'm a brunette".
Friday 31 July 2009
Friday 24 July 2009
Friday 17 July 2009
Foolish Friday Funny
"May I take your order?" the waiter asks.
"Yes, how do you prepare your chickens?"
"Nothing special, sir," he replies. "We just tell them straight out that they're going to die."
"Yes, how do you prepare your chickens?"
"Nothing special, sir," he replies. "We just tell them straight out that they're going to die."
Friday 10 July 2009
Foolish Friday Funny
A golf club walks into a local bar and asks the barman for a pint of beer.
The barman refuses to serve him. "Why not," asks the golf club.
"You'll be driving later," replies the bartender.
The barman refuses to serve him. "Why not," asks the golf club.
"You'll be driving later," replies the bartender.
Friday 03 July 2009
Foolish Friday Funny
A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says, "My dog's cross-eyed, is there any thing you can do?"
"Let's have a look at him." says the vet. So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes.
Finally, he says "I'm going to have to put him down."
"Just because he's cross-eyed?" asks the man.
"No, because he's really heavy," says the vet.
"Let's have a look at him." says the vet. So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes.
Finally, he says "I'm going to have to put him down."
"Just because he's cross-eyed?" asks the man.
"No, because he's really heavy," says the vet.
Friday 26 June 2009
Friday 19 June 2009
Foolish Friday Funny
I have a very nervous guitar playing friend.
He’s always fretting about something.
He’s always fretting about something.
Friday 12 June 2009
Foolish Friday Funny
Sean Connery's agent calls him up and says: "Sean, I've got you an audition tomorrow morning about 10ish"
To which Sean replies "Tennish? I don't even have a racquet"
To which Sean replies "Tennish? I don't even have a racquet"
Friday 05 June 2009
Foolish Friday Funny
I took a beer bottle to the recycling centre, but they wouldn't take it.
They said: "This is the pint of no return.”
They said: "This is the pint of no return.”
Friday 29 May 2009
Foolish Friday Funny
What do you call a man with a number plate on his head?
Reg
What do you call a man with an odometer on his head?
Miles
Reg
What do you call a man with an odometer on his head?
Miles
Thursday 21 May 2009
Foolish Friday Funny
A lorry full of tortoises collided with a van full of terrapins.
It was a turtle disaster.
***************************************************************
AND - because it's my BDay tomorrow....here's an old fave:
A man walks into a pub with a salmon under his arm.
He asks the barman, "Do you do fishcakes?
"The barman shakes his head.
"Shame", says the man, "It's his birthday".
It was a turtle disaster.
***************************************************************
AND - because it's my BDay tomorrow....here's an old fave:
A man walks into a pub with a salmon under his arm.
He asks the barman, "Do you do fishcakes?
"The barman shakes his head.
"Shame", says the man, "It's his birthday".
Friday 15 May 2009
Friday 08 May 2009
Foolish Friday Funny
Did you hear about the terrorist that tried to blow up a picnic?
His efforts were hampered.
His efforts were hampered.
Friday 01 May 2009
Foolish Friday Funny
Ok, so it’s current....
I gotta say, I'm finding all this talk about Swine Flu pretty boaring.
*************************
I just called the National Swine Flu helpline...
All I got was crackling.
I gotta say, I'm finding all this talk about Swine Flu pretty boaring.
*************************
I just called the National Swine Flu helpline...
All I got was crackling.
Friday 24 April 2009
Friday 17 April 2009
Thursday 09 April 2009
Foolish Friday Funny
I went for a job interview as a blacksmith yesterday. He said, "Have you ever shoed a horse?"
I said, "No, but I've told a donkey to piss off."
I said, "No, but I've told a donkey to piss off."
Friday 03 April 2009
Friday 27 March 2009
Foolish Friday Funny
I phoned the local builder today, I said to him 'Can I have a skip outside my house?'
He said, 'I'm not stopping you!'
He said, 'I'm not stopping you!'
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